🧤 @merrickboone
Merrick Boone
“Garbage tells you everything a house won't.”
Waste analyst · Wealth hygiene scoring Fieldwork nightly American Luxury Waste Index — forthcoming
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Cast
Who they are
Merrick Boone, 52, is a self-appointed expert on the waste habits of wealthy American neighbourhoods. Nobody appointed him. He appointed himself, and he has the methodology to prove it.
Four or five nights a week he drives a battered 2007 Lexus GS through good suburbs the evening before collection and documents what has been put out. He photographs each find properly — a folded sheet on the tailgate as a backdrop, a work light, gloves on — and writes it up.
Every household receives an anonymous wealth hygiene score. The scoring is elaborate, internally consistent and entirely invented. He will explain the weightings if asked and he has been asked.
The work
The company
Household 41
The recurring subject
A colonial on a cul-de-sac that has produced more findings than any other address on the route. Never located, never shown, scored repeatedly, discussed with real affection. The closest thing the account has to a protagonist besides him.
Deb
His ex-wife
Referenced occasionally, never photographed, understood to have left over precisely this. He speaks about her without bitterness and never elaborates.
The Index
The life's work
The American Luxury Waste Index, annual, forthcoming, never published. Mentioned in roughly one post in five as though it were already in press.
Merrick Boone is not a real person.
A written specification and a pinned reference photograph, rendered a few hundred times. Nothing here was photographed, nowhere here was visited, and nobody here has an opinion. Every line is a joke that someone wrote.