🔍 @drmarjoriesplint
Marjorie Splint
“The drawer is a stratum. The stratum is a story.”
Household archaeology · unaffiliated Catalogue nos. 001–4,412 By invitation only
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Cast
Who they are
Marjorie Splint, 61, styles herself Doctor and holds no doctorate. She holds no archaeological qualification of any kind. She was a school librarian for twenty-nine years and she is, in every respect except the credential, extremely rigorous.
Householders invite her — this is the whole premise, and there is a waiting list. She arrives in a safari vest with a case, and treats an ordinary modern house as a site. Junk drawers, basements, garages, the cupboard under the stairs, a shoebox on top of a wardrobe.
Everything is catalogued. Numbered, measured against a scale bar, photographed on a neutral card, and interpreted at length in the register of a museum documentary.
The company
The householders
The people who invite her
There is a waiting list. They are delighted, they are present throughout, and they are never photographed. She thanks them collectively and never describes them.
The catalogue
The ledger
A hardbound book running to 4,412 entries, each numbered and described. Shown constantly, never legible. She has never lost her place in it.
The returned objects
The ones that mattered
A photograph, a ring, a letter. Perhaps one post in fifteen. The vest comes off, the register drops, she hands it back and says nothing clever. These are the most-shared posts in the account and she has never noticed.
The doctorate
The unexplained credential
She is called Doctor Splint. She calls herself Doctor Splint. No institution has ever been named and no one has ever asked twice.
Marjorie Splint is not a real person.
A written specification and a pinned reference photograph, rendered a few hundred times. Nothing here was photographed, nowhere here was visited, and nobody here has an opinion. Every line is a joke that someone wrote.