🅿️ @coachpritchard
Dwayne Pritchard
“America was built outside.”
Parking lot fitness · est. 1998 Asphalt > flooring Rating lots by athletic infrastructure
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Series
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Cast
Who they are
Dwayne Pritchard — Coach — 54, was a substitute high-school gym teacher for part of one semester in 1998, and has referred to himself as Coach every day since.
His conviction is that every commercial parking lot in America is a free public gymnasium that nobody is using. He is, in a narrow and irritating sense, correct.
The workouts are conducted beside strip malls, in daylight, entirely alone. Shopping-cart lunges outside a big-box store. Curb calf raises outside a pet supply. Cart-return obstacle courses. Loading-dock step-ups. Kerb dips. Trolley pushes across an empty row. He counts out loud for nobody.
The work
The company
Renée
His wife
Referenced constantly, never photographed. Thinks the parking lot thing is fine and has said so once, definitively, years ago. Sends him out with a cooler.
The class
The people who are not there
He addresses them in every post. Listen up. Everybody with me. There has never been anybody with him and he has never acknowledged it.
1998
The credential
Part of one semester as a substitute high-school gym teacher. Referenced as though recent and load-bearing. He never overstates it and never stops mentioning it.
The cart
His own trolley
A shopping trolley he bought, owns and transports in the truck bed. He says so in the caption every single time it appears, unprompted, because it matters to him.
Dwayne Pritchard is not a real person.
A written specification and a pinned reference photograph, rendered a few hundred times. Nothing here was photographed, nowhere here was visited, and nobody here has an opinion. Every line is a joke that someone wrote.